Friday, May 28, 1999: Mom Not Well

9:00 pm. Went to SongBird today and put more cash on the GR300. Got home and slept until 8:30...

9:00 pm at GFM. Eric and Mory are here. Sunniva and Sandy are working. It's hot in here. I would move outside but the patio isn't licensed yet and I have a glass of red. Should I eat? I should. But I think it will just be soup.

~ I ran into Bobi-Jo, Justin M's little pal today. She reminds me of GRH's friend Heather from 1986. 880 and Frisky Frolics. Bruises and bite-marks for days... goodness. To be 23 again. Horny and stupid. Now it's just... the same. Quiet these days though. ________ is gone. Everything else has been Cyndi type bullshit.

~ Bruce says Mom's mind "is gone". She doesn't know anyone. Physically it could be another month, or even Autumn. Apparently she's in pain. That's not good. My mind latches on the things most comforting. Halifax. 1977. Dad was still sick. I was such a good kid. I caused them no grief except coming home beaten up or having no friends.

11:10 pm. Time to go soon.

12:00 midnight. Justin M showed up and had a beer. Who walks in and is now sitting behind me but ___________. YIKES. What the what is she doing in there parts. Looking for an argument? Weird. To think I fell asleep in her bed. And now I sit here and she sits there.

12:45. She's left. She talked to me before she split. It was akward. I really didn't want to talk to her. Last time I did I hung up the phone on her.

Thursday, May 27, 1999: It Makes Me Sad

hmmm. @ GFM, it's around 11:30 and this really annoying (is there any other type) version of Mack the Knife is playing. I HATE this song. Mostly because it's sung as if Mack is some body everyone wants to see, when in the original he's some knife wielding murder back to settle some scores.

~ Anyway... The dust has settled from the Cyndi Meltdown some what. I'm upset still. I wish I had never agreed to take care of her stupid dog. I have no desire to deal with her at all. No more than I would with ________...
In fact the simularity of how she freaked out with how _______ acted is scary.

UNBALANCED.

Playing "Cyndi on Sunday" tonight was odd. It's still a great song though.

~ Richard came to practice with a cool thing in 5/4 which worked REALLY well. Justin had trouble locking on to the 5/4 at first but it came together nicely.

After we watched the video of the Clinton's gig. It has it's moments. I hate seeing myself on video. I think I look like an idiot.

I HAD A WONDERFUL NAP FROM 5:00 PM TO 7:00 PM ~ I felt 100% better from it.

Last night I went out with JL. It was kind of weird. We went and saw the Undersirables. She really liked them. I felt a strange lack of connection with her. Maybe it is from some residual Cyndi dust.

It can be easy to doubt myself. To think that because some one I like flips out that I deserve the treatment. Very easy, too easy.

Whether it is having everything you say dismissed or being freaked out at like you're ten years old the effect is the same and it adds up. And in the end I take a purely defensive posture, not because I believe I am being wronged but because I feel I am stuck in a corner. The comments she made eat away. It makes me sad.

Tuesday, May 25, 1999: Cyndi Freaks Out

It's raining today... Cold too. I hope that this doesn't foreshadow the summer. It's supposed to rain for the next three days. As the rain comes down I just feel like curling up in bed and sleeping. But that isn't really an option. It was wonderful to sleep in my own bed last night.

The low clouds outside and the drizzel remind me of being a boy in Chilliwack on Fairfield Island. Looking forward to getting home from school so I could play with my Airfix soldiers.

8:00 pm... Well...

Cyndi freaked out at me for "not taking care" of Cleo well enough. Didn't I?

Apparently not.

Well that ends that saga... The saga of Cyndi on Sunday.

Tiff is working tonight. Yummy.

Monday, May 24, 1999: Last Day of the Dog

Sitting in Steve & Wendi's kitchen. It's raining outside which is fine by me. I'm physically sore and tired as if I've climbed a mountain in my sleep. I'm not sure if it's just accumulated fatige from walking & going & DJ'ing & carrying gear or what... I slept really well last night. I need a week of that.

Brunch yesterday with Gina. After I went "home" and hung out at 1019 which was nice. I stopped by GFM afterwards. Heather and Malik were just coming on. I ate then walked down to Steve & Wendi's. I walked stupid dog Cleo and it was surprisingly well behaved. Then I watched "Star Wars" and "Empire" on video.

I'm not sure when Steven and Nathan get back. Helmet has a job so I guess he'll be around.

11:00 pm. GFM... on my way home for the night. They have Tiff working tonight. I went to see the new Star Wars again with Chris. The film seemed better.

Back at around 10:00 pm I left a note for Helmet to walk that stupid dog. I'm not sure when Cyndi is back. I regret ever agreeing to taking care of her mutt.

that crazy freaky girl is eating my food again!!!!
says Tiff

Yes, she is. That's not all she's doing. Strange.

I'll be so glad to sleep in my own tonight instead of Cyndi's. And I'll be so glad to be in my own space.

MY SPACE! My wonderful place with no cigerette smoke. No dog. My interest in Cyndi is at an all time low just from being in her space.

I MISS DAD TONIGHT A LOT

I wonder why. So many questions to ask. And no one to ask them to... or no one who's answers I'd trust. Questions I can't even write down here.

12:00 midnight. Soon I'll be home in my bed with my pillow and it will be good.

Sunday, May 23, 1999: Waiting for Rod

I'm sitting outside at the Guild Inn way out in Scarboro.. Waiting for Rod to show up. I've lugged all the gear outside and I'm sitting on the power amp beside the fire door. I would like this more if... I didn't have to listen to people partying up on the second floor to my right. Otherwise it is perfect.
The silence. The coolness of the breeze off the lake. The stars & moon. The sound of the rustling of the trees with the wind.

Rod isn't due until after 2:00 am. This was a nightmare wedding. Rod decided to have me cab it and gave me $40 bucks for the cab ride. It cost $43 just to get here. So now he has to pick me up. My cab driver had NO idea where he was going. I ended up grabbing his map book and navigating.

There was a multitude of technical problems from the CD player not working to LIMS not working to the video guy blowing a fuse.

BUT ~ They loved me. It was a huge success. Everyone danced. I got a tip.

I can smell skunk.
And the mosquitos are coming. Ouch

I NEED A CELL PHONE.

3:00 am. No sign of Rod yet.

What a nightmare. I am so tired. I'm debating if I should go home or to Cyndi's. GRH wants to do brunch tomorrow but I sort of want the comfort of the Grapefruit Moon...

BUT I have to take care of that stupid dog. I'd rather sleep with the silly stuffed dog that The Bean gave me. ("It hugs you!")

Saturday, May 22, 1999: The Phantom Mess-Up

I didn't go in on Friday. I accidently slept in until noon. Cyndi's alarm didn't work or failed to wake me. I'm not sure which. Cleo the Dog sulked downstairs but not before taking multiple dumps under Cyndi's bed. Last night she took off on me and didn't come back until 3:00 am. Useless dog. Most dogs are useless but I hate this dog. It's insane.

Anyways I met up with Toby at 1:00 for Pho. After I called GRH on a whim and we went to the new super-jumbo movie complex at Adelaide and John St. to see the new Star Wars film.

Now... Keep in mind I saw the first Star Wars movie when I was 13 with my best friend Billy Dingle, and it was the first time Dad allowed me to go to a theatre. Dad had some weird puritan idea left over from his Salvation Army upbringing in regards to "movie houses". As a kid I could never figure out the logic of that. Well... There was no logic to it. None at all. You could watch a movie on TV but you COULDN'T go into a movie theatre. Anyways Star Wars was mind blowing. We sat there and just ate it up. It dethroned Star Trek in my imagination.

Anyways GRH aand I ended up catching the 3:40 p.m. showing of "The Phantom Menace" which is a stupid name. The effects were amazing but there was a lot of things I didn't like... and I wanted so much to LOVE it.

Liam Nissom and the Transpotting guy were amazing, the Queen Chick reminded me of Reena Schellenberg for some reason... A lot was great but...
The bad guy Darth Maul should have been called Darth Expendable or Darth Dull. He just wasn't scarey or evil. He was like some throw away guy. The final light sabre battle was cool. But...

The computer animated aliens were obviously computer animated. And they were also sort of annoying. Especially the comic sidekick guy Jar Jar Binks. I wanted him dead with in five minutes of his introduction. And the young Darth Vader was totally forgettable. Brutal.

Anyways.

I walked back to Cyndi's after. Helmet was there. Apparently he's taken a job in Toronto so he'll be living here now. I'm regretting taking this dog-sitting thing. Being in Cyndi's space for some reason only makes me want be in my own all the more. I can't explain it. I don't know. I'm less and less interested. Fact is... I'm not interested at all.

I miss hanging out with The Bean.

~ I'm DJ'ing tonight at some nightmare wedding at the Guild Inn in Scarborough. I have to leave at 4:00 pm. Rod is driving me out. What a long day. I'm wishing I'd taken the day off but I need the money.

3:00 pm. ~ I hate to do it but I must go.

Thursday, May 20, 1999: Off to S & W's

I'm so tired it's almost funny.

DJ Dan is pitching me to let her spin vinyl and operate the Groove Box for Snowmelter.

I made ELB a mix tape when I got home today and dropped it off in her mail box.

I came by the GFM at 8:30 pm or so and had a soup. I hung out with Nathan and April. They split at around 9:30 pm. Now Mory is here (Brainiac). It's 10:00 pm. I'm off to Steve and Wendi's to stay until next wednesday. Wendi is in Newfoundland and Cyndi's gone to the States.

Wednesday, May 19, 1999: Snowmelter Gig Review

6:25 pm... Waiting for Strider at GFM. He'll be here at 7:15 pm or so. I've been lazy documenting the situation.

Monday night's gig was amazing. It started off as a nightmare. They've made some law restricting taxi's taking some roads due to "safety problems". It took us 45 minutes to actually get a taxi to Clinton's which is a ten minute walk.

Jason Millions was there and Mike Wilson showed up. Sab and GRH showed but when Sab heard we came on at 10:30 pm he left. GRH stayed. That's a first. Known her since 1982 and this was the first time she's seen me play. Chris R showed up and sat with the CJ contingent. GRH sat with them as well. Rob Joy from Sid Six showed up. No Toby though. Justin Forsley and Catherine came as well as some GMcD folk. Rod, Kelly and DJ Dan came. Dr. Bill was there. The place was packed anyways. There was also some Black Rooster folk and a few Morris Men.

NO ONE FROM GFM SHOWED UP...

Anyways... The set list was...

The Old New Song
Dorky
15
VMG
Polyamorous
Cyndi on Sunday
Swamp Rock Jonah

and an encore was demanded so we played "Red Rocket" and attempted "Happy for You"...

The long and short is I got home at 4:30 am. Yesterday I got in to work around 11:00am. I worked until 4:30 pm then went to Rockit with Chris R and the gang. Later Rogers and I went to the Brass Rail and spent an hour and a half drinking gin and tonics and watching strippers gyrate about.

I had to pick some tape up from Wendi's to dub so I went there. Drunk. I hung out and bugged Cyndi. I was some what nasty. Some how it ended up in her room but Helmet came parading in.

Tonight April is working.

11:30 pm.
I'm beyond tired. I went to Wendi's after jamming with Strider. He taught me the Donovan song "Sunshine Superman" on guitar.

CYNDI WAS VERY TOUCHIE-FEELIE WITH ME

It was nice though. Sitting outside in the backyard with her and Joanna and several other folk. Stars above. The moon. hmmmmm.

Walking back up was nice.

Sandy is working.

12:05 pm. Oh... I missed the garbage pick up. Oh wel.

Tuesday, May 18, 1999: Map of the Night

Oh boy... 12 Midnight. What do I say. Well where am I? GFM. Glass of wine. Quiet. Dead. Just me & Heather. She looks good. Nice outfit. Malik just left. I'm dressed in my suit.

WELL...

I'm too tired/drunk after an evening with Chris Rogers to write too much. But I'll do my best.

WELL...

The world is shifted. Low Rider is on the CD. Take a little trip with me.

Try not to look. Try not to look. What does it mean when a woman coughs?

Tonight.
4:30 - 7:30 at the Rockit with Chris R, Jason K, Frank W, Mike W, Pete T.
8:00 - 9:30 Brass Rail (yuk) with Chris R

then across College to Clinton Ave. To Steve & Wendi's. What the what??
A map of tonight would include Cyndi's foot, the amazing line curving up to her waist, her tummy. YUMMY.
Helmet has a way of walking in. "What's going on here?"

Walked Cleo with Cyndi. Then came to GFM.

Last night Justin asked if I was sad Tiff didn't show up for the Snowmelter gig. It was The Bean who I missed there.

The Bean. My Buddy. I miss you so much. You made my heart open up when you danced. God I loved you. Love. My Bean. I miss your hugs and smile and laugh so much. None are like you Buddy.

She should have been there.

Sunday, May 16, 1999: Birthdays

Last night's Wedding went really well. They danced all night which didn't seem like that long. I didn't start until 10:30 pm and it was 1:00 am before you knew it. I stayed up late dubbing. 12:30 pm. We (Snowmelter) practice at 4:00 pm. Then it's the big Birthday party for Tiff and Sandy.

7:40 pm. The Birthday Party begins. The Gentlemen Callers sit pensively as the women talk. Several of Sandy's fans are here. One in particular. He sits thumbing through the Now Magazine dressed in his nicest casuals.

Tiff looks absolutely unbelievable. Her hair is this wonderful blue. She has this tight wrap-around dress... God Almighty. She is without question THEE most physically attractive female I've seen since Nicole or MRM. And I totally feel shy around her. No... Dorky. I used to feel that around Cyndi. Pahhh.

WELL... Heather is watching me... ?

10:40 pm. I've made my pointless Sunday pilgramage to Wendi and Steve's. Now I'm back at GFM. The party has continued. I feel totally out of place now. The females talk and laugh.

Tomorrow stresses me. Should I quit? Should I go to PW? Or should I call Marc Schwab?

"Are you writing in your journal? Am I in it?" Why does every woman have to ask that? Some friend of Sunniva's. I have forgotten her name already.

BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH...

"I'm on call right now" some guy with alot of hair gel and his died blond doo sculpted in some architectually impossible formation jumps up to answer his pager. So we all know how important he is in the FILM INDUSTRY. After all who else will hold the boom for the microphone?

Some female is now making sweeping generalizations about men. Sort of like listening to some redneck talk about "welfare moms".

What I love about Sunni and Sandy is they aren't bullshit. They aren't all vain and fake. They aren't pretending to be something.

I ordered carrot ginger soup. Jeff Buckley is on the CD player. Amazing voice, amazing emotion.

I really miss The Bean these days.

Wine is having an effect on me...

Maury (Brainiac) is talking up a storm. He can talk and not spew bullshit. Brent, April's boyfriend is leaving. Megan is really loud. I should go soon.

Saturday, May 15, 1999: Day With Tiff

Sandy and Sunny deserve awards & prizes & blessings for their kindness. I ended up having 4 wines and staying until they closed and left lastnight. I was drunk and their attentions cheered me up alot. I woke today feeling much better. I came here (GFM) for brunch and Tiff planted herself beside me and that was that...

Sunday (nope) Saturday, May 15, 1999. Today is the last day Tiff (me) will ever be 22 years old.

We had breakfast, then she had to take care of Sandy's kids (Quinn and Abbey) so I ended up going with Tiff and Megan and the two kids to College Street to look for presents for their Mom. We wandered around there then headed back to Bloor Street and wandered around some more. It was a strange day. Tiff and I sat outside and talked. Today was wonderful really.

Friday, May 14, 1999: GFM Comfort & Food

A bad day. Where do I find the courage that Pappy Thomson had in WWI to blow the whistle, yell "over the top, Lads" and charge hopelessly into the line of fire? Where is that in me?

Sandy & Sunny have made a huge effort to cheer me up even though they don't know what is wrong. Just that they recognized there is a problem means a lot. Sunniva put her hand through my hair and asked if it was my Mom. Sandy came and sat by me while she "took a break" and talked to me.

Now I have eaten. Not that I have eaten much.

Comfort. The comfort of having them care enough to notice. "When one kind word meant more to me than all the love in paradise"

So here I sit, powerless.

We are all so lucky to have each other! Some people are so loney.
- Sandy Moon

Wednesday, May 12, 1999: With Cyndi

I worked until 7:30 pm then came home. I walked down to Steve and Wendi's. I hung out with Cyndi until 12:30 or so. We watched the first half of "Lawrence of Arabia". It was... nice I guess. Cyndi asked me to house sit / dog sit.

Talked to CLN on the phone. That is nice. Easier to deal with. I need some sleep. It has been a long day. I feel grumpy. I want to just fly to Manila and be someone else.

Monday, May 10, 1999: ELB & Mr. Fix-it

Tired!

I woke up with a splitting headache. I went to Juice for life this afternoon but got served badly by some vegan snob. I bought "The White Album" on CD which I've meant to do for some time. It was expensive but try to find a Beatles CD used.

6:15 pm. How am I so exhausted?
After the May 17th Snowmelter gig I'm taking a month off to do nothing but work. It is impossible to split my energies in two.

Mint tea is finally taking my headache away.

11:50 pm... Just walked in to GFM for my midnight camomile tea and who is sitting here but my favorite ex-girlfriend ELB and her new boyfriend Mr. Fix-it. They both looked horrified and shocked to see me. It looks like an intense talk.
I said "hi" but I'm not about to strike up conversation and have Mr. Fix-it scowl at me.

I ran into Tiff on the way here earlier. She asked what I was listening to on my Walkman (David Sylvian - Krishna Blue) and I said "It's a secret". She said in the most sweet voice "You're not going to keep secrets from me are you?" I said "Especially from you".

Funny to sit here and there is ELB. Some how Mr. Fix-it and her look like they work. He probably doesn't require as much attention as I do. Funny I was thinking about her this morning.

I do miss The Bean though. I haven't heard from her since the last time we went out.

Now the love-birds are leaving.
~ El just came up and told me she had to quit Queen's Pasta because she has degenerative disc disorder in her lower back. I feel so bad for her limping about. Mr. Fix-it came up and stood behind her, giving me stick eye. Get over it. I'm surprised he didn't pee on her leg or something.

Sunday, May 9, 1999: Soundscaping

Mothers Day. 12:00 noon. Where else but... The GFM

Last night's Circus Wedding went well. I was slightly stressed for most of it though. I'm glad it's over. I got home at around 2:30 am and actually set up my gear and soundscaped for an hour. I am slightly nervous about playing here tonight. I'm not sure how people will respond.

How old was I when i first saw a tape recorder? I was seven or eight. One of the clearest memories from my youth. I was at Greg Wilson's and we were in his room. It was sunny and either early spring or late summer. It was his sisters cassette mono recorder. A device that would record a piece of time and then actually play it back. I remember thinking that the possiblities were endless... Then I started bugging Dad for one. Eventually he bought one for himself but I used it so much he bought another one. Then I started my multitracking experiments. That was in Alberta. I would have been 9. I would tape stuff on one machine then play it back and record it onto the other one and add more sounds or whatever. Then came physically pulling the tape out of the cassette casing and twisting it so side two would play backwards on side one. By 11 or 12 I was taking the tapes apart and making infinate loops. Or recording noises from my Radio Shack Science Project kit. Anything that would make noise. Dad would say "he's in his room making Star Trek music with his ear-lugs (headphones) on"...

Tiff just walked by.

11:30 pm.

The night is through. I 've done my soundscaping... Who showed? Cyndi and Joanna, Mark Lemyre, Richard F and Linda, Chris C, Justin and the waiteress from the Black Rooster. There were others here as well, the regulars plus Sandy and Sunny and Tiff. It went well.

My set up:

The Strat into the Roland GP-8. Out of the GP-8 to the old Digtech 2 second delay. Wet out to the 12 Second delay then to the amp. Dry out to the amp.
The 2 second delay set at 2 seconds, 90 % fb.

12-Second box settings - 7:00 seconds, 8:88 seconds, 12:00 seconds.

I began at 7:30 pm and this goof playing scrabble at the back was against it. He insisted Sandy "Change the CD" then he insisted she make me stop. She didn't and I continued. So my first soundscape went from 7:30 pm until 8:10 pm. Then at 8:30 I did a second one until 9:10 pm.

After I walked down to college with Chris, then went over to Steve and Wendi's. I watched "The Practice" with Cyndi then we walked her Dog. She ended up walking me back up to the GFM. It is basically empty now. Heather is working.

It's hard to really know how it sounded when you are immersed in it. They weren't the best soundscapes I've done. They weren't bad. Timid in a way.

Oh, now drunk guy is talking to me. Kicked out of the Rooster and here for just one more. Yikes. Now I can't leave because I won't leave Heather alone with this guy.

Saturday, May 8, 1999: DJing U of T

Well... So far every EASY gig Rod has given me has been an absolute nightmare. Last night was no exception.

The girl who was the organizer was on my case all night. Now I see why Rod wanted me to do it. She was a big girl who made the CD Players skip when she danced. She wasn't big in a good way. It started off fine up until a point - then the requests began and that is where I lost them. One of Jumbolina's friends, a troll-like girl had me play "It's Raining Men" which is a BAD song a the best of times. It cleared the floor so I had to basically start over from scratch. But by 1:00 am they were all back up dancing like crazy folk. The highlight for me was this one young lady in the tightest thinest clingyest little outfit. Her name was Erin and she visited me often making various requests.

I wanted to come back here to the GFM but Rod insisted I go to the bar where Kelly and her Sister were. I was not up for it but I went along. Kelly's Sister has just come over from Newfoundland. It was too loud to catch her name. I was there for an hour or so. I got home and fell asleep right away.

I woke up today to the sound of rain. I got to the GFM at around 11:00 am.
It's now 12:30 pm. I should go soon. Get ready for tonight. Hopefully it will go better than last night. Only time will tell.

Friday, May 7, 1999: Willowdale

The big date with Cyndi was somewhat uneventful. We sat here and talked. I wasn't in a bad mood or a sad mood, the dynamic was different. I'm not as interested. Perhaps I am just tired of the whole process. It's sort of like work. She wants to get together next week.

This morning I took the long ride up to Willowdale to see Dr. Salsburg my eye Doctor. Usually it's Stan who sees me but today it was his son Kerry. I picked up a new set of contacts and when I walked out I was confronted with the absolute clarity of the world. Sharp images. The bark on the trees. The leaves.

Being up in Willowdale was odd. It reminded me of 1981 and my last days in Toronto. A dozen missed opportunities and the harsh change that came with the move to B.C.

Anyways I listened to David Sylvian's new CD and took the TTC to work. Richard F and I went to Pho for lunch. Lots of bitching at work. Lots of whining. It is tiring to listen to. No one likes the new deal.

Rod and DJ Dan called and offered me a DJ gig at U of T tonight so I'm just eating at the GFM before I go over. It's money. I'm tired and DON'T feel like doing it but I can't afford not to.

Tomorrow I DJ the "Circus Wedding". Sunday night I soundscape. No sleep until after the 17th.

Thursday, May 6, 1999: Big Date?

I am back at the GFM waiting for Cyndi to show up.

Talked to DJ Dan for a while today.

I also spoke to Maralyn for about two hours today.

Cyndi is late. What the hell? Who cares. Sandy is here. Megan is here. Heather is here. Maybe Tiff will come in.

Wednesday, May 5, 1999: Drunk, Tiff Writes More

2 glasses of wine & I'm toastie. Okay.
So Sandy is going to allow me to Soundscape. I'll do it this Sunday. Mother's Day. My Mother. God. How do I contain all of that? If I let it out I'd be inoperative. Having to watch her fade. Horrible. I remember her Mom from when I was a boy. Just so strong & wise. So strong. A match for Dad. A perfect match. Then when Dad died it was like part of Mom did too. Now she's not even aware of where she is. If I called she wouldn't even know me. So I've lost Mom. Now... who else? Maralyn? Anne? Is that why I surround myself with "sisters"? GRH, Wendi, etc...

Tiff wants to read this. Hmmm. Pris from Blade Runner. All she needs is the makeup.

We play VMG on the 17th gig.
I'm drunk. Totally drunk. Thus the honesty.

The "Just Desserts" shooting trial is on TV. Reminds me of '94. Nicole. Kathy Deroon almost getting killed out west. EA M. I had so much coin then. Strange. Now it's 1999.

I have control and I love it! Oh, take a look at my nails today, they're sick! Okay, so I've basically annoyed the crap out of Lorne tonight now who do I harass. Romeyn? Nathan? No, I'll just continue the attack on boy wonder all smug with his goatee. Do you think that if you die young that your life continues somewhere else? Not that I plan on dying... I just plan on killing Lorne... with my insanity. huh? - Tiff

Or your beauty.

Sunday, May 2, 1999: Tiff Writes in the Book

1:00 pm. At the Dead Rooster. Justin M and Dorris are on. Across the road the GFM patio is full. It is really warm out today (I'm on the patio).

Last night's wedding which was supposed to be a no brainer was a nightmare. It was at the Bandshell Cafe at the CNE Dufferin Gates. That aspect of it was good. It was beautiful out so they had tiki torches. I had a set list of what to play from the over-functional Bride. Then there was "The Band". They showed up and the lead singer who I thought of as "Fonzie" all night gave me BIG additude. Cuz I'm just the DJ.

Anyways... I was glad when it was over.

I got home around 2:30 am and felt sort of bummed out.

2:10 pm. I now I'm over at the GFM. Sitting in the sun with a beer. Wishing for some reason that I was in Mexico. I have so much stuff to do today. Next Sunday is mine. All mine.

2:20 pm. Justin M comes over at 3:30 pm to work on that stuff for Wendi. I have my doubts about what we are doing. I don't think it works for what she wants.

In a months' time I will own a full Roland GR set up. A GR guitar, another GR 300 Blue Box, and a GR 100 Yellow Box. I had a GR 100 before but it got stolen when someone broke into Peter Venuto (Slurp)'s Van along with my guitar to Midi box.

So I will have a full GR set up, my 12-second delay. Stuff I've dreamed about having since I was 18.

So, now Tiff is at the Grapefruit Moon... Again. She has taken THE BOOK hostage, there is no way out now. Heather is offering her money, not enough by the way, to do her dishes. Tiff, contrary to popular opinion will not do anything for money. You must understand that power and fame are main goals in life. On another subject, what is Malik talkin' about? Let me close with a thought... "if you see yourself starting to resemble a lobster, why not appy sun screen?" - Tiff

Okay... Now that the 22 year old blond heart grinder... a beauty who no doubt leaves a thousand crushes in her wake has written in my book... I guess I should be in a good mood.

She askes...

"What are you writing about me now?"

Sandy says I can Soundscape in here on Sunday night. Amazing. I'm not sure how it will go over... But it'll be fun to do in front of people. I spent two hours today soundscaping. I've figured out how to split my signal so I can loop then jump over and play on top of it. It sounds more Andy Summersish than Frippish. Maybe because I am using a Strat.

12:30 am. I'm totally awake. Tiff is biting her nails. (She just asked if I was writing about her biting her nails)

Oh Christ, she's taken THE BOOK back again. Dispite the loud mouth, nail biting and basic... forget it. I bet there are many things, surprising things I (can't read word) would about her, hmm. Don't ever judge a book by it's cover! Cheers. - Tiff

I'm not judging any books (other than my own) paranoid girl. To understand my doubts you'd have to know the story of.... Or the time that...

Nearly 1:00 am. I'm still wide awake.

What is it about her? Her looks? Yes. Something else?
Her eyes. The eyes always get me. She has that lust for life zaniness I like. Queen of her world. So is that it?

I GAVE HER MY NUMBER WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?

Saturday, May 1, 1999: In Your Eyes

Another sunny Saturday morning at GFM. I practically live here. Breakfast is on its way. Sunni and Sandy are serving. I slept well last night although I had lots of weird dreams.

I have some DJing gig tonight down at the CNE Bandshell. Go figure. It is a no brainer. I just play music between the band's sets. They give me a list of what to play. So it's easy.

12:05. Breakfast was yumm. I'm stuffed. I think I will move outside and read for an hour. The music in here is good though. "In Your Eyes" by Peter Gabriel is playing.